The notes below are designed to give prospective readers an idea of what to expect from the book, and to aid in making a decision on whether to buy it.
The Book of Joy, Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
General Notes
We determine our fate via our mind and heart.
Every day is a new chance to begin.
How we act each day is what matters. How we respond to suffering is not pre-set.
In quantum physics no object can be found to exist as it’s always moving.
“If something can be done about the situation, why be upset? If nothing can be done, why be upset?”
When in pain need to acknowledge you’re in pain - Archbishop
DL Shift focus. Lojong—lessen self-absorption.
Eat without attachment—think of it as nourishing your body. Eat without anger or greed. Only to nourish body.
If you develop a sense of concern for all living beings it will propel you
4 brain circuits: 1. Maintain positive states. 2. Ability to recover from negative states. 3. Avoid mind wandering. 4 Be generous.
Peace must come from within.
Friendship is based upon trust.
Too much fear brings frustration. Frustration brings anger.
So much of our mental pain starts within our mind and heart.
You can have the quickest solution or the best solution, not both.
Dukkha is suffering; Sukha is ease, comfort, happiness
fear, anger, and frustration are just different parts of mind, not reality.
When someone attacks you, feel sorry for them and concern for them.
It takes times to learn to be laid back.
You are a masterpiece in the making but are not perfect yet.
Courage is the heart’s love overcoming the mind’s sense to do what is safe.
Turn threats into challenges.
Constant stress wears down telomeres and immune system.
Think about others, not the self. This will reduce stress.
Anger loses the critical thinking part of the prefrontal cortex.
Anger is a defense mechanism to feeling threatened. Rather not admit we are vulnerable.
Remember angry people are made in the image of God too.
Sadness leads to empathy and compassion.
We have a fantastic capacity for goodness. We are all family. The world is getting better.
Tonglen (taking and giving) - take another’s pain into your inner light and destroy it and breathe out compassion. Calms the mind and practices forgiveness and compassion.
Optimism is superficial, hope is deeper.
Loneliness. People in rural areas have more of a sense of community. We are all the same human being.
Too much self-focus is bad for your health. When focused on others you will never feel lonely.
Making people feel guilty does not help them.
Best remedy for envy is gratitude. Reframe!
I wish well for all others.
Suffering can either embitter or embolden us.
Deep down we grow in kindness when it is tested.
Pretending we are young is silly. We should be realistic.
Impermanence of everything. Life keeps changing. But also, all is always moving. Nothing permanent.
Compared to human history our life is so short and meaningless.
Meditation training for what we will go through at death. Meditation helps integrate things.
Empathy circuits do not activate unless we see others as part of us.
Many different angles. Tragedy gives opportunity.
Must look at any situation from at least 6 angles. Not as Pollyanna but from neutral position.
Humility makes people approachable. We can laugh at ourselves when we have humility.
So many people struggle to be kind to themselves.
First response to any pain, no matter how bad, is laughter. Crying and laughing are the same but laughing feels better.
Humor powerful weapon. If you laugh, everyone knows you are not pompous.
Acceptance of what cannot be changed is key. Why be upset if you cannot change it? Opposite of resignation and fear.
You can accept that a relationship is difficult and that you would like to improve it. You may not succeed but all you can do is try.
Acceptance is not passive, it is powerful.
We need goals to be inspired to grow and to develop but we cannot become overly attached to these goals.
Peace and equanimity come from letting go of our attachment.
I try to take their anger and their fear into myself and give them my love and my forgiveness.
You can also develop compassion for someone who is not experiencing acute pain but who is creating the conditions for their own future suffering.
Impermanence is the nature of life. All things are slipping away.
When we alleviate others’ suffering, our own suffering is released.
Thinking me, me, me just brings fear, insecurity, and distrust.
If you want to look after others there are plenty of people you can ask for help.
It is when we close ourselves that we tend to be miserable.
The rewards center of our brain lights up when we give just as much as when we receive.
Generosity is associated with better health and longevity.
A high sense of purpose lowers the chances of death by 23%.
Three types of giving: material giving, giving freedom from fear, and spiritual giving.
Interconnectedness; you cannot survive on your own.
Spiritual giving: Becoming an oasis of piece, a pool of serenity.
Death is inevitable, it makes life precious and beautiful. Everything has an end.
Our basic human nature is good and positive. This gives us a basis for courage and self-confidence.
Spiritual practices are not ends in themselves. They exist to support our mental health and mental immunity. The more we practice, the more we benefit.
Joy and Happiness
Joy is bigger than happiness (satisfaction).
Layers of teaching are: teaching on joy, science of joy, stories of joy.
From weakness we discover joy.
Ultimate source of happiness is within us.
Every human being wants to be happy and without suffering.
Always laughing always joyful. Spiritual practice makes you that way, not somber.
Trying to find happiness via sensory gratification is like trying to quench thirst via saltwater.
When we move beyond our pain, we become available to others. Unhappy people tend to be self-focused. Happy people are more sociable, flexible, and tolerate things better. The more we heal ourselves, the more we can help others.
We are all the same but sometimes we feel separate. We all want a happy life.
Bless me so that I may take joy in others’ happiness.
Suffering makes you appreciate joy. Nothing beautiful comes without some suffering (e.g., Nobel prize)
Laugh at your own jokes!
Eight pillars of joy: perspective, humility, humor, acceptance; along with the four pillars of the heart: forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity.
All others have the right to be happy too.
We are most joyful when we focus on others and not ourselves.
Our joy is enhanced when we make someone else happy. It is in giving that we receive.
Money can buy happiness if we spend it on other people.
Tonglen - where we take others’ suffering and give them our joy.
People they loved were most people’s greatest source of joy.
When you are kind to someone else and do those things to lift others up, you end up being joyful.
Temporary joy comes from killing or bullying. True joy comes from healing others.
People must understand that the true source of joy is within themselves.
Joy comes from daily thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Relationships are the sense of all joy.
I am happy because I choose to be happy.
Love and Compassion
Some suffering needed to develop our compassion.
We are wired to be compassionate. No one can survive alone.
Compassion is a feature of strength, not weakness.
Core of all the world’s religion is love. Must respect other’s religions.
Bullies insecure because they do not have enough love.
One of the best thing parents can do is to help their kids care for others.
Grief is a reminder of the depths of our love.
Love others as you love yourself.
All religious traditions have a core message of love.
Compassion has all the other virtues in it. We learn from our mother’s nurturing.
Compassion is in our self-interest.
Same reward centers light up with eating chocolate and as being compassionate. Oxytocin is released which reduces inflammation.
Generosity is a natural outgrowth of compassion.
Dear child of god, you are loved with a love that nothing can share. A love that loved you long before you were created and one that will love you long after everything has disappeared.
Fasting fosters compassion as we experience others suffering.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean that you forget.
Forgiveness is the only way to heal ourselves and free ourselves from the past. Without forgiveness we remain tethered to the person who harmed us.
Those who say forgiving is a sign of weakness have not tried it.
If we choose to forgive, we break the cycle and we can heal, renew, or release the relationship.
When people remember their grudges, they have a stress response and this harms the immune system.
A lack of forgiveness robs us of our ability to enjoy and appreciate our life, because we are trapped in the past, filled with anger and bitterness.
Gratitude
Gratitude: I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it.
Acceptance means not fighting reality. Gratitude means embracing reality.
One can be grateful even for one’s enemies, ‘our most precious spiritual teachers,’ because they help us develop our spiritual practice and to cultivate equanimity even in the face of adversity.
Gratitude connects us all.
Keep a list of what you are grateful for.
Gratitude stimulates the hypothalamus, which regulates stress. Smiling for 20 seconds or more releases neuropeptides that unleash serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins.
Practical Tips
Very personal—do what works best for you.
What is my heart’s desire?
State your intention for the day—you can be specific or general.
Breathe in deeply.
On each inhalation, think ‘in’ and on each exhalation think ‘out.’
If stressed, bring cooling air and spread it throughout your body. Then when you exhale envision the stress leaving your body from wherever you are holding it (neck, shoulders, etc.)
Listen to the internal wisdom of the spirit.
Meditation is a profound way to escape the fight or flight response.
Analytical meditation—ask yourself: “What is reality” “What is the self or I?”
Thoughtlessness meditation acts like a painkiller.
Analytical mediation gets to the root cause.
For anger ask yourself, what use is it?
For sadness we can count our blessings.
Our mood comes from what we focus on.
Close your eyes and turn inward. Think of person who is upsetting you and say a prayer for their soul or happiness. Repeat every day for two weeks.
Think of someone you love and imagine their desire to be happy. Then think of someone you don’t know and their dreams, hopes and desires.
Mudita—a practice to rejoice in others’ good fortune. Imagine someone you envy, recognize your shared humanity; and imagine how happy they must be for what they have.
Lojong—think of someone who is experiencing suffering that is similar to some suffering you have. Think about how their situation might be useful. Feel gratitude for them giving you this chance to learn from their suffering and how you taking it is sparing others.
Take a problem, describe it, imagine what it will look like a year from now, and witness it from god’s perspective.
Humility: Imagine people who are responsible for you (parents, mentors, etc.). Allow your heart to open and appreciate those people.
Laugh at your humor: think of your faults and laugh at them.
Four-fold path towards forgiveness: 1. Tell the truth, observe distant self. 2. Negate the hurt. Ask if you want to keep this pain. 3. Grant forgiveness. We are all human and share this condition. 4. Renew or release the relationship, either is fine.
Gratitude journal— write down three new things every day.
May you be free from suffering. May you be healthy; may you be happy; may you find peace and joy.
1. Reflect on the day. 2. Pay attention to emotions. 3. Feel gratitude. 4. Rejoice about something in your day. 5. Look to tomorrow. Set an intention for a challenge you expect to face.